Through His Eyes
by jterra
Summary: This is a look into the mind of Mirai no Trunks and what it takes for him to travel to the past to save the future. Please read and review.
1. Hope

If you haven't read any of this fic before, the text in italics is from Trunks' monologue after the hyperbolic time chamber while Vegeta is fighting Cell.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of its stories. I just like to borrow them from time to time and play with them, but I promise to put them back when I am done.

**Hope**

I stood out on that little bit of rock outcropping that had stubbornly stayed in tack in the midst of the ruthless destruction, much like my own spirit. As I watched my father attack this monster known as Cell, I contemplated the circumstances that had brought me to this place and this time.

_I almost can't believe that this day is finally come. All of our training, all of our hard work, it was all for this moment._

Although I was thinking of my time in the hyperbolic time chamber, my journey to this point had begun a very long time before that. I had hoped the time chamber would be the turning point of a life that I knew had been a considerable disappointment and failure.

In the past I had lived through, Gohan had believed in me and had died expecting me to become so much more than I was. I had let down my own time and had not been much more of a hero to this time. What had I accomplished? Was my only heroic action to be bringing the cure to the heart virus? Was that _all_ I was capable of? Sure I had "saved" Goku, but the androids were still here and they were stronger than in my time.

And now there was Cell, who I had never seen in my timeline. It is all my fault that he's even here. He is just another shining example of my failure. So much had changed from how it was supposed to be and nothing had changed in my timeline. That was why I came back, because I was not strong enough and because I had failed in the cowardly method I had chosen to defeat the androids from my time

My mother had sent me back to the past the first time as the last hope for a world that was slowly being exterminated. She believed that my giving Goku the cure to the heart virus would save him, so he'd be around to defeat the androids I could not even touch. I had gone to the past to save myself from the humiliation of knowing I couldn't save my world. That fact was painfully obvious to me as I got into the time machine and headed to the past. But I had hope. Hope that Goku would save us, would save me, from my humiliation and failure as a Saiyan.

Being able to defeat Freeza and King Cold was only a bonus. Mother had calculated approximately when and where I would end up in time, but she could not program the machine for an exact place or moment. She wasn't sure how long the time travel would take. There were just too many variables involved. She did know that we needed to be able to give them as much time as possible to prepare for the threat to their future.

When I arrived in the past, I immediately capsulized the time-machine and placed it in its protective container along with the other carefully selected capsules. I needed to make sure I conserved as much energy as possible. Mother warned me to not use the machine any more than I had to. She didn't need to emphasize that point to me. I was well aware of the dangers of getting stuck in the past.

It was a very tricky mission I was on, but it was a simple one. Find Goku. Give him the cure. Return home. No sight seeing. No trying to find my father. The longer I was here the more I would be in danger of running into people who could jeopardize my future. The plan was to make sure I arrived when Goku returned. We knew exactly where he was landing. The mark his craft left still marred the landscape of the future. Unfortunately, it was not the only remnant of harm to the planet.

I glanced down at my wrist to observe the clever device my mother had created. She was always making amazing little gadgets. This one was no exception. In the few moments since I had arrived in the past, it had calculated exactly when and where I was. To my delight, Goku would be arriving very soon. He would be here in less than half a day. All I needed to do was get to the landing location and wait him out. It was unlikely I would run into anyone so far out in the desert. Things were going even better than planned.

As a precaution, I decided to try to locate the strongest forces on the planet and make sure they were a safe distance away from my final destination. When I felt out their forces, I was startled to realize that they were not only all together, but they were dangerously close to where Goku was supposed to land. What were they all doing out there in the desert?

As I was contemplating this disturbing turn of events, I became aware of a presence that I was startled to realize I had not sensed the moment I set foot on the soil of the past. I should have been able to considering the time I had come from, but androids don't give off any sort of power reading. I could sense evil. And it was an evil that was greater than all of the Z-warriors combined.

I vaguely remembered mother telling me about the battle that Goku and the other Z-warriors had fought not long after Goku's return to Earth. She never really told me many of the details of this battle only that it had been with some monster that Goku had battled on Namek. It was the monster that had made Goku harness all of his anger and rage into becoming a Super Saiyan. What was that creature's name? I couldn't remember. It had something to do with cold, which mirrored the feeling I was getting from that evil ki.

I decided I needed to get to the location of the impending battle. I knew there was nothing I could do for them, because my interference would mean exposing myself to their questions and making them aware of my presence. I felt like a coward, but I had to do as little damage to the future as possible.

As I flew quickly over the landscape, I should have taken the time to looks at my surroundings. The sky was blue, the trees were tall, the grass was green, and there was a city skyline in the distance. All these things were nearly impossible to find in the wake of the androids from my time. But I wasn't considering the things around me. I was focused on the task of searching my memory for bits of information about this battle. Anything I could use to possibly help them out. Suddenly, I remembered a name, Freeza. How could I have forgotten that name and the pain that being had caused?

Gohan had told me about Freeza and the terrors that creature had unleashed upon the universe. Freeza had destroyed my home planet of Vegeta-sai and almost all of my people long before I was even a consideration in any world. Goku had destroyed that vial monster, but not before Freeza had killed my father and set in to motion the destruction of Namek. Even many years later, Gohan had still seemed troubled by the thought that with the destruction of Namek had also come the death of his own father. But Goku was always more resilient than that. He was not so easily destroyed in battle and neither was Freeza, unfortunately.

Gohan had known instantly when Freeza arrived on Earth, along with the rest of the Z-warriors. Somehow Freeza had survived and the creature had become even more of a monster. This creature had been mechanically restored and enhanced. While they knew they could not sense this evil being's true power, the Z-fighters all knew he was more powerful than he had ever been on Namek.

Gohan did not give me all of the details of the battle, but he did tell me that my father had been the first to challenge Freeza and the first to fall. He was on the verge of death before Piccolo stepped in and was almost killed himself. One by one each of the warriors stood up to the challenge and failed, including Gohan.

Freeza did not fully kill any of them because he wanted them all to know their failure and live through the ultimate destruction of Earth. He didn't just want revenge on these friends of Goku's; he wanted to fully humiliate them. Before this monster could finish his plans, Goku arrived on Earth. The battle went on for a while, but Goku again emerged victorious and sent Freeza and his father, King Cold, to the gates of hell.

As I settled to the ground not far from the Z-warriors, I lowered my ki as low as I could without putting myself into a coma. I couldn't risk being detected. I sought out and found a place to hide where I could observe the battle that was sure to come without being seen myself. As I settled under an outcropping of rock on a hillside not far from Freeza's ship, I finally got a chance to look at the Z-warriors.

They were all creeping around the rocky landscape in an effort to approach Freeza's ship without being seen. As I tried to identify the warriors I had only seen in photographs before this moment, a very disturbing sight caught my eye. I hastily stood up in an effort to see better and unknowingly almost revealed my hiding spot. To my growing horror, I could see an unmistakably familiar tuft of turquoise hair peeking up over a rock about half a mile from my location.

She had never told me! She never once mentioned it! That must be why she tried so hard to make sure I arrived after Goku. But she had failed, and now I knew what she had kept hidden from me for all these years. She must have forbidden Gohan from ever telling me. I could not believe that my mother was out here in grievous danger. Not only was she here, but she was moving closer to that monster Freeza.

I could not risk being seen, but I had to do something. I had to make sure my mother stayed safe. Suddenly, letting the Z-warriors fend for themselves was no longer an option. Looking back down at Freeza's ship, I watched as soldier after soldier exited the craft. They were completely out numbered. While the individual power of each soldier was insignificant, their combined numbers would quickly wear them down. I could not let them be almost destroyed by this monster. Who would keep my mother safe? More importantly, Freeza was insignificant compared to what awaited them with the androids. They needed all the time they could get to prepare for this upcoming threat.

Now there was no way I would be able to accomplish my goal without revealing myself to them. There was too much at stake now to remain the shadow I had hoped to be in this time. I could only hope that they would be content with little information and be willing to take what they saw at face value without thinking about me after I left. I decided that defeating Freeza for them would now help to prove myself. They did not know me and were sure to be skeptical of who I was and what I had to tell them, but if I could save them from Freeza then that would have to be enough proof that what I said was true.

I stayed at my hidden location and waited for Freeza to emerge. As soon as I saw him, I felt a tremendous rage towards this creature that had been almost completely turned into what I feared and loathed the most, an android. I fought to contain myself when I saw that creature, who had been turned into the worst kind of monster. Suddenly the more noble purposes I had in mind for defeating this abomination were insignificant. My mind started to work on a different level - one of revenge and hatred.

While none of the Z-fighters could compare in power to Freeza and King Cold, I could. I had surpassed all of them with the life I had to lead in the future. Gohan had trained me well. Freeza would be no match for me, and King Cold was almost a waste of my time. I knew that I could defeat both of them with little trouble, and I needed a release from the anger and frustration that was pent up in my soul. I had to be able to destroy something that had left nothing but death in its wake. To be honest, Freeza meant nothing to me, but I could see the faces of those androids when I looked at that loathsome creature. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I hoped that destroying Freeza and King Cold would atone for my failure in my time.

I know I was arrogant that day. It just seemed natural. I knew that they were absolutely no match for me. I wanted to prove myself to that annoying Freeza, to the Z-warriors, and to myself. I wanted to protect my mother. Almost more importantly, I wanted to show off to my father. Although I knew that he could not know who I really was, I wanted him to be impressed with me and my abilities. I did not realize that my defeating Freeza and King Cold would have quite the opposite impact on him. I didn't know him, but a fool could tell that he was angry, angry with me for being a Super Saiyan and for being able to destroy Freeza so soundly, with so little effort.

After defeating Freeza, the Z-fighters did not seem to want to approach me. They were curious, but almost afraid of me as well. It did not help that I would not give them any information other than telling them when and where Goku would return.

They were true warriors. They had seen many an enemy that would defeat others for their own purposes only to turn and fight them as well. Having a common enemy did not mean that you would still be allies after that enemy was destroyed. They knew I was stronger than all of them, which could not have helped them feel any more at ease.

Their stares and inquiring glances while we waited for Goku made me wish that I had taken more time defeating Freeza. I'm not used to being the center of attention or being around such experienced warriors. There was so much that I wanted to ask and to tell them, but I had to make sure that I told them as little as possible about their future as I could.

Mother had made me promise if I saw any of them that I would not reveal to them things that might alter their futures. While I knew this was important, my primary goal was to make sure that I was actually born. Mother had told me that my conception had been a bit of a fling, and I needed to assure that "fling" still occurred. Knowing of my presence and their future could have terrible consequences on the Vegeta and Bulma of this time and on whether or not I was born.

So I sat there and tried not to think about any of them, but I kept finding myself looking at my father. I never really knew what he looked like. Mother had pictures, but my father was always the aloof figure off in the distance. I kept trying to catch glimpses of him to try to memorize his features and figure him out. He didn't like that very much. He didn't like me very much.

At the time, I'm not sure how much I realized that my being there pointed out his failures as a Saiyan. He knew I was just a boy of no more than 18. I had surpassed him and had done it at a younger age. That must have been a crushing blow for him. I didn't think of those consequences, just like I didn't think of any of the other consequences in my killing Freeza. I would like to hope that my being a Super Saiyan got under his skin enough to propel him to becoming one as well. It's foolish of me to think I had that much of an impact on his life, but I went home hoping he did not forget about me, that I somehow stuck in his head.

When Goku finally arrived, I was nervous to finally meet and talk to Gohan's father, but I had a mission to accomplish. My time there was running out. Mother wanted me to give Goku the heart medicine and return home as soon as I could. I knew she had to be growing frantic. She told me the computer should be able to locate Goku as soon as I arrived in the past, and it should only take a matter of hours for me to get to him and give him the medicine. She did not know that the machine might take me further back than she intended.

With defeating Freeza and waiting for Goku, I had been here for several more hours than she had anticipated. She developed the machine so that it would stay in sync with my time. Mother told me that it would be too difficult on my body and dangerous to the time continuum for me to come back at a different time than I was intended for. So if I came back at the same time I left, then I would always be out of my intended time even if it were only by a few hours. She knew exactly how long I had been here because the same amount of time had passed for her. Knowing my mother as well as I do, I knew that she was going crazy in the future wondering if I was okay.

The conversation with Goku went better than I had expected. I did not know anything about Goku other than what mom and Gohan had told me. I knew he was the legendary Goku, but I had to make sure, and I wanted to see his power. That is why I challenged him. I could tell that he did not fear me and that he could have easily destroyed me. Knowing that, and judging his reaction to me, helped me determine that I was doing the right thing by prolonging his life.

I had thought that knowing you were going to die would have more of an impact on someone than it did on Goku. He did not seem fazed by it any more than if I had told him the changing of the weather. He was more upset at the fact that he was not around to help defeat the androids. Sparring with him briefly and talking to him gave me the hope I had been looking for when I traveled to the past.

Mom was right. Goku may be the strongest fighter in the universe, but that was not what made him the best. The fact that his just being there gave you the courage to carry on and know that all would be right with the world was just what the Z-warriors needed to face the difficult future. His presence is what I needed to fight the androids. There was something about him that just gave you hope.

And hope is what I took back with me as I piloted the time machine back to my future. I knew that Goku would overcome the androids and that all would be right with the world once again. My trip had been short, but I knew that I would see all of those I had just met again in the future. For the first time in my life, the future held genuine hope.

  
**Revision Notes:** I know this is not chapter three, but I realized I had made some big errors in the first chapter and felt I needed to fix them before I continued. Please forgive me. I hope to be working on chapter three soon.


	2. Destiny

Untitled Document

Notes: This whole little story refuses to go the way I think it should. I intended to get to what I thought would be the heart of the story after this chapter, but I think I have one more chapter to go before I _finally_ get to the hyperbolic time chamber. This is pretty angsty, so fair warning there. It is so hard to get into Trunks' head, but I'm trying. 

Many thanks to the four people who took the time to review my prior chapter. I was so very encouraged by all of your friendly reviews. Special thanks to Rosedust, who has written one of the best Vegeta/Trunks moments I have ever read with A Midnight Talk. It really encouraged me to receive such a happy review from her.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of its stories. I just like to borrow them from time to time and play with them, but I promise to put them back when I am done.

Destiny 

It was dusk when the time machine finally brought me back to when and where I belonged. As I landed the craft, I tried to see if anything had changed. I surveyed the landscape but couldn't really distinguish anything in the rapidly fading light. But even with the fading light, I couldn't miss the gaping hole in the roof of the Capsule Corporation building, and it taunted me.

I jumped out of the machine as soon as it touched down and was immediately tackled by my mother. She looked me up one side and down the other, trying to see if she could figure out exactly all I had done while on my trip to the past. She started talking as soon as she saw me, babbling about what I had done, who I had seen, if I had given Goku the medicine

I grasped her by her shoulders and held her at arms length to get her attention and stop her rambling. "Mom!" It came out harsher than I had intended, but I just had to know. I had to know if I had made a difference, if my trip had been worth it. "Has anything changed?" I desperately searched her eyes for the answer.

But I knew I didn't even need to ask. The sadness and loss I saw in the depths of her eyes told me everything I needed to know. The androids had taken away everything - her friends that were closer than family, the one man she knew she belonged with - all of the things that were most important to her, all of the things that would be most important to anyone.

I saw the sadness that was always somewhere in the eyes of my mother; the pain of loss that she had so valiantly tried to hide from me all of my life. But as I aged, I knew how to spot that look just as easily as her moods. It was as much a part of her as her seemingly endless optimism and often frustrating tenacity. Unfortunately, she did not wear this loss as well as her natural characteristics.

There was something about losing everything and everyone that was most important in your life. It scarred you in a way that nothing could ever fully heal, that no emotion could every truly cover. I should know. I know the pain I see in her eyes because I see it every time I see my own reflection.

That look It was still in her eyes. It was then that I knew for sure.

The hope I had returned home with started to fly away with the wind that sifted through my hair. But I tried to grasp on to it. I couldn't let it slip through my fingers. There had to be something, there had to be somehow I could make a difference against this unbeatable foe. What good was time travel if it couldn't alter our future?

That machine had been our only hope for months. Its promise of salvation is what kept both of us going and gave us the strength to get up each morning and face the terror of the androids that loomed over the whole of humanity like a foreboding storm cloud. The storm that started the day Gohan was brutally murdered by those monsters had never ended. It raged within my soul. That machine had been my one ray of hope. The hope that I could get him back, get all of them back.

I could feel my shoulders slump as I stood there and could not find the answer. Was this future doomed? Destined to be destroyed because I was too weak? No! I would not allow it! I had to do something. There was no one left to hold those androids accountable for their crimes against humanity. I had to do it. I had to be the one to stop them. But how? What could I do? How could I stop them?

Then it struck me with the suddenness of lightning during a summer storm and lit up my soul. I had to learn from those who were greater than I was. Goku, Gohan, my father - they were the key. I looked at my mother and I could see the worry etched on her features and reflected in her eyes. She knew what I was thinking. She knew the decision I had come to.

I had to go back.

But going back was not an easy task. It had taken eight months to charge up enough power to send the machine 20 years into the past. I couldn't wait that long to go back. Who knew how many more innocent lives those monsters would take in that time? We decided that I would have to go back sooner.

In the short amount of time I had been gone, my mother had been devising ways of charging up the time machine faster. She smiled sheepishly at me as she explained that she had needed a way to vent her nervous energy. She must have been very worried about me because she managed to come up with a way to cut the time by half. If I did not travel as far back into the past, I could go back in just three months.

I wanted to go further back in time so I could train with the other warriors as they prepared for the androids, but it just wasn't feasible. I would try to go back to about the same time the androids started to attack the Earth. I could only hope that Goku would recover successfully from the heart virus.

While I waited for the machine to be ready, I trained. Or at least, I tried to train. I didn't really know what to do. I was already a Super Saiyan, what more could I do? I knew I could hone my skills and learn new techniques, but those things would not do a whole lot against the androids who were so much more powerful than I was. I needed to get stronger, but there were limits to what even a Super Saiyan could do, weren't there?

I didn't really think about these things while I trained. Becoming stronger was somewhere in the back of my mind, but I trained because I needed to release my frustration. I was mad, confused, and very, very alone. Seeing the Z warriors had been a painful reminder that while they had others to train with and help them grow stronger, I had no one.

More than just having someone to spar with, I did not have anyone who understood me. My mother tried to. She tried to encourage me, but I always knew that she was worried about me. She knew, just as I did, that I was not strong enough to face the androids. She was afraid that I might be foolish enough to confront them again. She was even more afraid that if I did, I would not come back. I still don't know how I survived my first confrontation with the androids after Gohan's death. She never told me how she found me or nursed me back to life. We never talked about it, just like so many other things we never talked about.

I was all she had left. I didn't want to be all _anyone_ had left. I couldn't handle it. I wasn't strong enough for it. It's hard knowing that you are the only person left for someone, but I was the only hope for the rest of humanity, and that's a difficult thing to take. It's a difficult job to have, and I didn't want it. I didn't ask to be a hero. Goku must have handled it a lot better than I could. He had been the last known hope so many times, but even he had died.

Don't get me wrong. I wanted to fight. I was born to fight. It's my heritage, and as little as I know about my heritage, I do know that it was full of proud warriors. I could not deny who I was. Fighting was as much a part of me as the color of my hair. I had no more control over my whether or not it was lavender than I had control over whether or not warrior's blood flowed through my veins.

Sure I could cover up that urge, pretend it wasn't there. But just like my hair, no matter what color I dyed it, it would still be lavender at the root. No matter how much I denied it, or my mother denied it, I was destined to fight. And unfortunately for me, I was destined to save my timeline as best I could. What killed me inside, what ate at my soul, was the fact that I was not strong enough to fulfill my destiny.

So I trained to release my anger and frustration with myself.

But I also trained to prevent my mind from asking the questions to which I had no answers. But no matter how much I avoided them, they still plagued my mind. What had happened? Why didn't it work? And finally, what had I really accomplished by going back? After I returned I knew that things had gone horribly wrong. Nothing had changed. Instead of saving the future, I had created a split in the timeline at the point that I journeyed back to the past. At least, that was my mother hypothesized.

But even if mother had a theory as to what had happened, it still did not answer the question as to why. Was time so cruel that there was nothing that could be done to correct past mistakes? Goku's death was a mistake. It wasn't supposed to happen. The strongest warrior in the universe could not die at the hands of an invisible foe. These hideous androids weren't supposed to be allowed to erase all of civilization from existence with so little resistance. It just wasn't meant to be! So why didn't fixing that obvious error correct the timeline?

These questions swirled around in my mind as I punched, kicked, and slashed at invisible foes. But these foes were not so invisible in my mind. They held the faces of those androids who had mocked and taunted me. The androids had become the embodiment of my rage, my fear, my frustration, and my loneliness. I fought with them everyday, and everyday I lost. Deep down, I knew the battle was not with them, but with my own mind. Until I could find a way to conquer my weaknesses, I wouldn't be able to defeat my greatest foes.  


Finally, the time machine was ready to return to the past, but one more question plagued my mind. Was _I_ ready? I did not know what awaited me in the past, but I wanted to believe that in three months I had accomplished something. During the time I waited, I hoped that I had finally been able to win one battle, the battle with myself.

I embraced my mother and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before I hopped up into the time machine. Mother knew that I would be gone longer this time, and that I would be facing an even more difficult task than simply not breaking the vial that held the cure for the heart virus. But even knowing that I think she envied me a bit.

She longed to see her old friends again. I wanted to see them too, but would I have to admit my failure to them? Would I have to face my father and explain to him that I could not complete this one simple task? Would I have to see the disappointment in his eyes as he realized that his only son could not live up to his potential?

But even as I pondered these things and fought with my insecurities, I knew that going back was the only way to find out if I was truly ready to face my destiny. That thought alone gave me the strength and courage to face any possibility that awaited me in the past. The past held more for me than the future ever had, and for now, I was going to place my hope in that fact.

I looked down at my mother as the craft lifted off into the air. I silently promised her that I would return stronger and more confident than I had ever been. I would save the future so I could return the light of hope to her eyes. 


	3. Consequences

**Notes:** Trunks is trying to reconcile the many changes in this timeline with the past he is familiar with, so this is written very much like a stream of consciousness in many places. Try to keep that in mind while reading.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Dragonball Z or any of its stories. I can't handle the responsibility. 

**Consequences**

Days. Months. Hours. Years. Minutes. Eons. Moments. Forever.

Time.

I'd never really given much thought to time before. The ebb and flow of the sands of time is more pronounced than one might want to believe. How often had I watched the seconds tick by on the clock in my bedroom after I had been punished for doing some foolish thing? I could swear that the more I watched, the slower the hands would move around the face of that timepiece. The time had seemed like eons to my childish mind. As I waited, I could almost see each individual grain of sand fall through the hourglass.

In stark contrast, the time I had spent training with Gohan seemed like only a moment now. No matter how much I willed it, I could not put those grains back. Even at the time, it felt as though they fell too fast. They dropped much quicker than what should have been normal. Why was it the most precious moments of your life flew by in a heartbeat?

More grains of sand flew by my face as I came to realize I was still sitting on this red rock in the blistering heat of the desert. I had no concept of how much time had passed, but I somehow knew that it was not as much as I hoped. As I came to focus on my surroundings once again, I realized the silhouette of my father was still in the distance. He was so close and yet so far away. Some time ago, I stopped even looking in his direction because somehow he knew. Somehow he knew that I was looking to him for the answers, and he made it clear he would not even listen to the questions.

Part of me wondered what I was doing here. What was I hoping to accomplish? Why was I still even around? Was I here to follow my father around like a lost little puppy? In a way, I guess I was. I was lost. So lost that I did not know if I could be found. I was in a time that I did not belong. Helping people that were not my own. Why didn't I just go home? My father had posed that question to me mere hours ago, or was it days? I had been lost in my own mind for so long, that I'm not even sure I can remember what had brought me to this rock in the first place.

What brought me to this rock in the first place?

What brought me to the rock in the first place...

The androids.

Those cursed, wretched, vile abominations.

Everything had happened just as I had predicted, and yet, at the same time nothing had happened as I had foretold. No one but me understood what the two were capable of and now the count was up to six?! And the possibility of there being additional mechanical creatures was becoming more and more of a reality, but Krillin and I had taken care of that. Hadn't we?

One small victory I can chalk up to my side. The destruction of Gero's abandoned lab and the killing of an embryonic android is such an amazing accomplishment! And what was the prize for my work? We retrieved plans to one of those mechanical creatures in the hopes of discovering yet another chicken-shit way out of this mess. What kind of warrior am I? It's no wonder my own father won't speak to me. I can hardly stand myself.

Suddenly the memory of almost drowning while training with Gohan flashes into my mind. The feeling of utter helplessness and fear had been more overwhelming than the intense undercurrents of that eddy at the base of the cliff. That feeling was hitting me again magnified a hundred times over in the middle of the desert. I can feel that I am about to be overcome by it.

Somewhere around me I can hear a dry chuckle, which I initially assume originates from my father, but my mind quickly discards the thought. He hardly even knows I am still around and is either oblivious to my inner turmoil or doesn't care. The harsh sound uttered from my own lips reminds me of Gohan and how even he would not reach out to save me from drowning all those years ago.

At the time, I thought him so cruel for not saving me, but he was teaching me a valuable lesson. No matter how brutal the message, in battle, I have no one to rely on other than myself. And while not physically fighting those androids now, they have engaged me in a vicious mental battle that they are most likely completely unaware of and, unfortunately, they are winning.

They will not defeat me in such a cowardly manner! I am the son of one of the most powerful men in the universe and the most brilliant woman on Earth. I will not be defeated in either body or mind by beings created by the hands of man!

Grasping on to those thoughts for several minutes, I am finally able to regain some control of my wildly erratic thoughts and emotions. With that moderate level of control, I forcibly turn my mind to more productive uses. The question that had been plaguing me from the moment I held that clown-faced head in my hands pops into my mind for the millionth time since I have arrived back in this time. _What went wrong?_

The longer I was here, the more pieces I gathered to the puzzle, but I could not find the answer.

_What went wrong?_

I could trace back every resultant action, but I could not find the catalyst to the schism in the timeline.

_What went wrong?_

I had chewed on that question for so long without reaching any answers that the question alone was eating away at my sanity.

_What went wrong?_

The only answer was me. The only solution was my presence. The answer was so obvious that even a child could discover it.

_What went wrong?_

I had been so careful. I gave them so little information. I spoke only with Goku, and what I told him was the barest of details. I gave him no ideas of the future.

_What went wr_... stop. Stop! STOP!!! My hands grip fistfuls of lavender hair sparked with electricity. Somewhere in my senses, I can feel my father shift his stance in my direction. Not enough to show actual concern, but so much that I know he is still aware of my presence. The slight motion registers somewhere deep in my subconscious, but my focus is on willing my mind to not speak the question anymore. My grip on myself was being lost in those three words.

If only I could succumb to the doubt. If only I could lose myself within myself, then I would finally be free of the pain, free of the fear, free of the loss, free of my failure

But I am stubborn. I have the pride of my lost ancestry. I am the prince of a dead race. I am the last survivor of a planet that even space has forgotten.

I will not be lost.

I will not lose!

  
Let's try a new direction, a new question.

  
What did I do while I was here?

Arrived.  
Headed to Goku's location.  
Discovered the Z-warriors and their little Freeza problem.  
Took care of the Freeza problem.  
Waited for Goku.  
Spoke with Goku.  
Left.

So what wasn't part of the plan? Wait for Goku _with_ the Z-warriors. That's it.

Well, and "take care of the Freeza problem" wasn't on the list.

But I had to do it. They were in trouble. I had no idea Goku could use that transmission thing to get there sooner. In my time, he didn't use it. He let his friends suffer at the hands of Freeza. I couldn't do that; they couldn't afford being slowed down by something as insignificant as Freeza.

But what truly puzzled me was the unanswered question of what had stopped Goku from saving his friends in my time? There had to have been something that stopped him from doing it. What had I missed?

From what Gohan had told me, they all suffered, but none of them died in the battle. Goku would have prevented that from happening. If they had been in serious danger, he would have sped up his arrival. He knew Freeza was just toying with them to get to him. But what did they gain from fighting Freeza?

As I contemplated this new question, another memory of Gohan made itself known in my conscious. After the battle at the amusement park, I had a conversation with him while he was recovering...

"Trunks, when I get out of this bed, those androids are going to have the fight of their lives!"

The excitement in his voice even though he was so weak had been so contagious that for a moment I honestly thought we had a real chance. But when I glanced at the vacant left sleeve lying lifeless next to his body, I realized he was just being overly optimistic for my sake. It was hopeless now. By the time I was strong enough to help, there wouldn't be much of the world left to save.

Colored by these new thoughts, the enthusiasm that had sparked for a moment was lost on my lips as I replied with a half-hearted, "Yeah."

"You don't believe me, do you." The disappointment in his entire demeanor made me want to believe him, but what evidence did I have that what he said was true?

I raised my head and looked into his eyes. What I saw there was not misplaced enthusiasm like I had thought, but instead there was something in his eyes that made me realize he really believed his words.

"Trunks, I'm a Saiyan. You are a Saiyan. The Saiyan blood that flows through our veins intermixed with our human blood makes us strong." He paused and closed his eyes. He remained that way for what seemed to be so long that I thought he had gone to sleep. I was about to turn away and allow him the opportunity to regain his strength when he opened his eyes once more and told me with determination, "It's our Saiyan blood that will defeat those androids."

"I don't understand, Gohan. What do you mean 'our Saiyan blood'? Sure it makes us stronger than any human, but how is it going to help you now, now that you..." I didn't know how to finish. We both knew his arm was gone, but was I going to voice those words aloud? Something about keeping it unspoken made it less real.

As if reading my thoughts, he replied, "I know my arm is gone. And I know we were almost killed by the androids. But there is something that you must understand about yourself and never forget." He looked at me for a moment, and I could almost feel him willing me to understand. "I think you would discover it on your own even without my help. My father was able to on some level. Your father used it to his advantage on more than one occasion." He paused again, but this time I was more impatient.

"Gohan, you aren't making any sense." If he hadn't been bedridden, I would have considered grabbing him by the shirt and demanding a rational answer, although even in his weakened state, he probably could still kick my butt with hardly any effort. "What does our lost battle have to do with any of this?"

He smiled a small, knowing smile at me. There was a secret there, and I could see in his eyes that he was considering withholding the key from me because of my impatience. He waited almost a moment longer than I could stand and then finally spoke again. "We fight because it is in our blood. But there is more to it than that. We were born to fight.

"When a human fights at the level that we do, his bones and body are broken. When he mends, he ends up being more brittle in those locations. He is more susceptible to attack, and he becomes weak. But a Saiyan is just the opposite. Where a Saiyan is broken he becomes stronger. Where he was once weak, he is now made strong. It is that strength that is our true weapon.

"What's unique about a human is that even though he is beaten, there is a rugged determination that brings him back to battle. Being raised as a human, my father somehow inherited that quality. It's part of what made him unstoppable in battle. We have that human determination in our blood mixed with the Saiyan ever-growing strength. Those two factors will make us foes to be reckoned with."

With his next words, his eyes hardened in such a way I had never seen from my gentle spirited master. "But an enemy must be truly cautious of the Saiyan side of our genetic makeup. Don't ever give a Saiyan the chance to recover, because you can guarantee he will be back stronger, and madder, than ever before"

Back in the present, Gohan's words echo in my mind _stronger, and madder, than ever before_...

Was that actually true? Gohan had died not long after speaking those words. He did not defeat the androids like he led me to believe. Instead, he died at their hands.

My emotions had made me strong. My anger and hatred of the androids coupled with the sorrow beyond expression at finding my master, teacher, and friend left discarded in the mud had been what had put me over the edge. Those emotions made it possible for me to tap into the energy that had only been mocking me during my training, not some mystical power-up granted after defeat.

The only time I had been left for dead was after my solo battle with the androids. My first act after recovering had been my initial journey to the past. Even I had been surprised at my display of raw power while facing Freeza. I was not afraid. Without any evidence, I knew I was more powerful than I had ever been and it gave me a confidence I never knew I had. There was a part of me that could not resist the challenge of facing that monster. I had to know exactly what I had become.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized what Gohan had said might actually be true.

Is it possible that the shortsightedness of my actions could have had more of an impact on the future than I thought possible? Thinking back on what else Gohan had told me about the outcome of the fight in my timeline, he did say that my father was able to reach the Super Saiyan level not long afterwards. Did that change in this time?

Uh oh.

While heading over to the Son residence to move Goku, Krillin was making idle chitchat in an attempt to both cheer me up after the disappointing encounter with my father and settle his nerves following the devastating blows dealt by the androids. During the intentionally pointless, primarily one-sided conversation, he had mentioned how surprised everyone was to know that my father was a Super Saiyan.

The deeper meaning of that statement had not hit me until just this moment. It means he hasn't been one for long. What's worse is he hasn't been able to work with the power and speed increase like he would have had if he had made it sooner. If he had made it when he was supposed to... after fighting Freeza.

Unless my father has some way to test out his limits apart from a real battle, we are at a deficit because he isn't going to have the control that experience would bring. His overconfidence in his abilities is what led to his defeat at the hands of 18 earlier. I can only hope he will get the opportunity to not make the same mistake twice.

Either way, he can never know that I am the cause of his delay in ascending to the next level.

This was just not supposed to happen. I was supposed to be making things better by coming to the past, not worse.

Who else did my "helping" hurt? It would only be physically damaging if any of the humans were brutally beaten. I'm not sure about the physiological differences of a Namek, but I don't think they improve as much as a Saiyan would.

What about Gohan? I don't know how involved in the battle with Freeza he was. It would have helped him improve, but he's still pretty young to be going Super already. I guess it could have gotten him closer though.

It wouldn't have made any difference for Goku. He was already a Super Saiyan during the final battle with Freeza. His recovery on that alien planet assured that while Freeza had been mechanically improved, he was still no match for the fully recovered and more powerful Goku. It sounded like the battle was not as brief as my own with Freeza, but it was most likely not as much as the maniacal tyrant had hoped.

There is really no other collateral impact the lack of fighting had on Goku, is there? He may not have gotten any stronger, but the possible improvement couldn't have been significant. He was a Super Saiyan, what more could he have become?

The only strange thing about Goku in all of this is the heart virus. Why is it only now that it's inflicting him? He should have fought that battle and won not long after he returned home and defeated Freeza once and for all

Wait a minute.

According to the others, the virus first started showing signs of attacking him when he was battling 19. That could mean the exertion of battle is what triggers the disease. Not fighting Freeza prevented the strain on his body and delayed both Goku's illness and recovery!

So instead of being fully strong and ready for battle, like I had intended. Goku is unconscious on Roshi's island, as weak as a small child. The medication should cure him entirely, but what if he didn't take it in time? What if the virus was too advanced to be cured by the medication? Even if Goku recovers, how long will it take him to be at 100%? In the future, I've seen strong men take weeks to recover only a fraction of their strength. A Saiyan's recovery should be accelerated, but what if it isn't?

One simple act. I thought I was helping them out. I had such noble purposes for doing what I did. They were in danger. My _mother_ was in danger. I couldn't let that monster harm the only hope for my future. I didn't know what the consequences would be. My mother warned me. She told me not to interfere, and like a foolish child I did exactly the opposite!

Damn it! I should have seen this! I should have known that I couldn't do something so significant without there being repercussions.

I guess I shouldn't judge my father. I'm just as overconfident as he is.

And my overconfidence is what brought my death in the future and, even worse, brought Cell into this timeline.

The list of consequences is spiraling out of control. It still boggles my mind that there are two time machines in my jacket pocket. Both of them exactly the same except for one glaring difference, the second has brought a creature that I know nothing about and am defenseless to even attempt to stop. This creature has come from a third timeline unwittingly created by my deceased future self. Now, I'm living with mistakes I haven't even made yet!

This wasn't supposed to happen. So much of what I've seen wasn't supposed to happen. What would my mother say if she knew how much I had messed up this timeline? Our strongest warrior may not recover before the androids find him. And my father has become virtually catatonic up on that cliff. He may very well be our last hope for the future, and all he's doing is sulking over his loss to that female android.

The androids. Those were yet another mystery that had been left unsolved. In my time, I only knew of 17 and 18. Cell must be around there as well. But that only accounts for half of the creatures I have seen in this time line. I've never seen the giant green one before. 17 and 18 may have killed him in my timeline after they were awakened or been unaware of his presence. And the energy absorbing capabilities of 19 and 20 were foreign to me. I had never seen either of them before.

The numbering sequence seems to indicate that Gero created them after the androids of my time. But how was he able to do it? He was supposed to be dead. Killed by the hands of his own creations long ago. We weren't supposed to be able to witness that act. What made him alter his own form into that of one of those mechanical creatures? The man was insane, but there had to be have been some logic behind his actions, right?

It may be that somehow he found out about the dangerous nature of his creations before he activated them and took some precautions to ensure his own safety. It seemed that when he returned to the lab in this time, it had not been the first time he had brought the creatures to life. He had some sort of device in his hand that both androids were eager to see destroyed. It may have been able to control them in some manner. I just don't understand how he was able to predict his own possible demise at their hands, when he had been unable to in my time.

Again, there must be some connection with my return to the past three years ago. Piccolo had mentioned that there were tiny mechanical cameras that were recording the actions of Goku and the Z-Warriors. It is possible they were there for my fight with Freeza and overheard my conversation with Goku. But that seems unlikely, because Gero made the extreme calculation error of not compensating for the power of a Super Saiyan.

It could be that he did not believe the accuracy of the data produced by his own recording devices. He may have had a very limited chance to retrieve data due to the severity of my battle with Freeza. The invention, while very impressive, could not have been impervious to the ki attacks during the battle. It's quite possible that they were incinerated very early. Before Gero was able to retrieve any significant data.

Gero may also have changed his actions due to something as simple as Goku's not dying from the heart virus. In my time, Gero may have become overconfident in his abilities with Goku out of the way and may not have considered many safety measures to protect himself. But because Goku did not die in this timeline, he may have felt the need to have more androids to fight the battle. It's possible he realized just how much stronger he would be as an android if he had to face Goku himself.

Whatever the reason, my bringing the medicine to Goku is the cause of all these changes in the timeline. Was coming back in the first place a mistake? Have I really saved these people any more than if I had just left them to my fate?

What am I bringing about with my actions now? How am I altering this time by just sitting here in this barren wasteland? My being here could be doing more damage than my fight against Freeza the first time. I should return now. I'm just dead weight here. Am I just being selfish by staying here? Am I just hiding from the consequences of my own timeline?

Not long ago my only option was to sit back and watch as all of humanity was systematically and maliciously exterminated. Then my brilliant mother created this machine that could do the impossible. It could alter the past.

Suddenly, I had something that was uttered less frequently and with much more discretion than four letter curse words. I had hope. Now the options have multiplied beyond my control. Should a mere mortal be given the ability to change the past no matter how good his intentions?

Before I can ponder this question, I feel a sudden change in the air around me. There is a presence that I have too rarely felt. A calming spirit. One of hope. For a moment I am afraid to believe what my senses tell me.

I slowly lift my eyes up to the cliff my father has been perched upon for days. Next to his silhouette is the form of another who is taller with amazingly more unruly hair. It seems impossible, but Goku is up and around again.

The childish part of me that still believes in heroes wants to leap for joy and run up to embrace him, but there is a determination about him that holds me back. Somehow he knows what all of us have been through while he was recovering.

I have not been invited to participate in the conversation, but the wind catches a small portion of his words and rushes them by my eager ears. "...beyond that of a Super Saiyan." I can feel my eyes widen in disbelief. Can it be true?! The ramifications of his assertion astound me. Goku may have brought something back with him that reaches beyond hope to something that I have never before dared to believe.

Deliverance.

**Notes:** Well, over a year in the making. I hope it was worth the wait. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this fic anymore. It's difficult to write. Let me know what you think.


End file.
